


Lifetime: One Last Time

by Dallamond



Series: Lifetime [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ex Boyfriends Seoksoo meet again, Happily married Mingyu and Wonwoo, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry again, Is this really considered angst, M/M, Many hearts have been broken, Many swear words because they are friends and they are hurt, Read at your own risk because you might get sad, Seoksoo Angst, Seoksoo and Soonhoon are my OTPs but what is this, Seoksoo hurt, Soon to be married Jeonghan and Seungcheol, Soon to be mother Somin and Jiwoo, This is a story about love and not a love story, bestfriends Jihoon and Soonyoung, happy valentine's day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:48:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29263041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dallamond/pseuds/Dallamond
Summary: Joshua thought leaving for LA was the best thing he could have done and everything will be okay after that but he was wrong.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Jeon Jiwoo/Jeon Somin, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: Lifetime [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097936
Kudos: 2





	Lifetime: One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> This was in my drafts since January TT I had to rewrite because AO3 is that b deleting drafts ya know.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this angst. [I don't really enjoy reading angst but I don't know I just had the urge to write this one]
> 
> And oh, Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Carat Day 💓

Joshua should have known that attending his best friends' Bachelor's Party would mean meeting _him_ again after a year. That's why he made it into himself to be one of the first ones to go to the Yoon-Choi Residence to prepare himself and of course, meet with his friends who he has also not seen for a year when he went back to the US.

It was already quite packed and the music is a little harsh to Joshua's liking when he went to park his car in the huge space of the house. Seriously, it could be considered a mansion but his best friends are well, humble. Unbuckling his seatbelt, he immediately saw his best friend at the balcony talking to some of his guests while Seungcheol on the parking lot with some others.

" **Joshua fucking Hong,** " Seungcheol says as he saw Joshua walking towards him after locking his car. He then reached for a one-hand hug to the visitor. " **You're alive you motherfucker.** "

" **Living together really does make you look and act alike huh?** " he teases his friend while having their signature handshake, " **We had a video call last week don't be so dramatic.** "

And as if on cue, a squealing Yoon Jeonghan came running towards them still holding what looks to be a wine glass fortunately just a pinch full. Seungcheol was quick to get the glass out of his fiance's hand before he ran towards his best friend and hugged him dramatically jumping up and down.

" **OH MY GOODNESS YOU ARE HERE!** " Jeonghan shouts excitedly bouncing up and down while hugging Joshua making the others laugh. " **JOSHUA MOTHERFUCKING HONG IS HERE!** "

" **What is it with you two and my makeshift middle names?** " he says and got out of his now teary-eyed best friend's gaze, " **You know I wouldn't miss it for the world.** " He says and they also did their signature handshake. Normally, he would just consider Jeonghan being his normally dramatic self but this one he considers for real. His best friend just missed him and so did he.

They catch up a little more like they had not just talked earlier to ensure that Joshua has really flown back to Korea for their wedding.

As Joshua said, he really would not miss it for a thing. It's his two best friends' wedding. He missed them and also their group of friends which he may or may not have been avoiding for the past year. 

They went inside and there were many more guests than Joshua would have thought. The massive living room on the first floor is just filled with the right amount of people wearing semi-formal wears and having chit-chats while a band plays on the side stage where a mini indoor fountain is. The part which stretches to the pool garden is where the tables at for later's dinner. Sophisticated, classy yet simple, a very Jeonghan and Seungcheol style for a second engagement party Joshua thought.

Jeonghan then says most of the people there are their workers in their resorts. Yeah, the Yoon-Choi empire is just big like that. There were many more foreign faces to Joshua than familiar ones.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol has introduced him to some of their new workers and told them they are his best friend and to look out for him whenever there'd be chances he'd visit one of their resorts or restaurants and not let him pay a single cent and give him the best service they could or not they'll be fired on the spot. Jeonghan was just joking on the last part but who knows he'd really do that if Joshua experiences any struggle while in their resorts. 

Joshua all smiles at the workers and he could just melt there at how far his best friends have become, though not much has changed for the past year. The two still lovey-dovey and loved by their workers and them not treating them any much different specifically out of the office environment. 

After a while, the couple needed to attend to some of their guests and led Joshua to where their group of friends was. Joshua was both excited and nervous to be facing them again after being AWOL for a year. He misses all of them.

**"Be careful with Somin okay?"** Jeonghan managed to warn him before the couple got lost in the crowd. What was the warning for, Joshua did not know at that time. He just thought he might get kick his ass back to the US as he knows Somin was one of the most angered ones when he suddenly left.

He was going up the second-floor living room in the massive mansion where it was quieter and the band's playing a little distant. It's quite a breather for him to see more familiar faces there and the first of those who greeted him was the couple pair of Jeons. 

Jiwoo was the first to greet him and immediately welcomed him with a tight, warm hug.

" **Oh my gosh, you!** " Jiwoo threw herself to Joshua which made him laugh but regardless returned the younger's enthusiastic hug. " **You have been gone for a year! Unbelievable! We all missed you.** " Jiwoo said tightening her hug.

" **I missed you too,** " he says hugging the younger back. He was quite surprised when he saw the other Jeon with a baby bump.

" **This is a bachelor's party miss what the hell are you pregnant lady doing here?** " he says going out of Jiwoo's hug to carefully embrace her wife Somin. He knew they had planned on getting pregnant before he left but he did not know how long they are pregnant now.

" **They said you'd be here so I didn't wanna miss it,** " Somin says hugging the other, " **And because I really wanted and needed to do this,** " then a hard slap on Joshua's shoulder which he was surprised but guessed he really deserves.

" **I could have done worse Joshua Hong if I'm not carrying the twins,** " Somin says giggling.

" **Oh my gosh, you're having twins?!** " He says wide-eyed switching glances between the two.

" **Yes and please if we're going to include you in the godfather's list don't just show up and leave okay?** " Somin says which Joshua just nodded.

He then gave the two separately their signature handshake before he could ask more about their pregnancy. Somin's just a month pregnant but is having twins, thus, the noticeable baby bump. The other pair of Jeons then welcomed him.

" **Now look who we have here,** " Mingyu says walking towards him and wavering the glass of whiskey he's holding, " **Joshua hyung is here!** "

Wonwoo then came rushing from the veranda puffing out his cigarette.

**"So you're alive, I see,"** Wonwoo says with eyes scrutinizing the older one while holding his glass of whiskey, **"You did not even bother to properly say goodbye before going back to the US and here you are."**

**"Well, didn't you miss me?"** Joshua asks teasingly and opened his arms. Wonwoo just rolled his eyes at that but then also came to his hyung and embrace him.

Joshua chuckles as Wonwoo's hug grew tighter and the taller one, Mingyu, joined making it a group hug.

**"You sure do know how to make people miss you, you know?"** says Wonwoo after their hug. The three also did their signature handshake with the girls still looking at them fondly.

**"That was not in my intention but I am flattered to know that you guys still want me here,"** Joshua says as they walk to finally sit down on the couch in the living room. He finally relaxes a bit when he sat down with the two guys on his sides, Somin on one of the solo sofas, and Jiwoo sitting on the arm of it.

" **No one really wanted you gone Josh,** " says Jiwoo, " **But we knew you needed your time alone so...** "

" **But we were not expecting to just be ditched like that after your birthday party what the hell?** " Somin says quite displeased at the memory. Her wife tried to calm her down a bit which worked immediately. Somin then sighs and says, " **But yeah, we know you needed time. You could have said goodbye properly you know? We were worried.** "

**"I thought you guys knew that my birthday party was my** **_Despedida_ ** **?"** Joshua jokes and the four others only shook their heads at that.

They talk and caught for the year they have missed each other. Well, it was mainly the Jeons interrogating him about his life in the US.

To his surprise though, Joshua really liked his time back in the US. He is currently working at a startup fashion brand there and while it was hectic and chaotic at times, he found it somewhat comforting. The stress he gets from work is somehow what became his comfort zone during the past year. To avoid breaking down completely and let his heart shatter into pieces and lament on the reason why he needed to go back to the US and ditch his friends here.

About an hour and a half have passed, they managed to somewhat catch up with everything that has happened in the past year.

They filled him in on some of their friends' situation and what were the initial preparations for the wedding Jeonghan has already told them because really, they have yet to focus on the wedding preparations because Jeonghan wanted his best man to be with during this time.

After a while, Mingyu also managed to lure him and Somin down to the kitchen and try his recipe which Jeonghan has already approved to be part of the menus at the reception.

Joshua and Somin were sitting beside each other on a stool bar in the kitchen when another group of their friends arrived. The two who just arrived did not immediately saw Joshua there. Somin was quick to comment that they were missing one person in the group.

The Lees were missing one of their cousins as they arrived.

**"Just the two of them?"** she says trying to scan the people inside thinking she might have just missed the other one, **"Where's Seok-"** she immediately drift off before saying his full name realizing Joshua was beside her and glanced back at him who was just eating Mingyu's dish.

Joshua has already scanned the room even before Somin spoke and realized one of the Lees was missing.

He did not really know why he was still searching for him. He also really did not know if he was ready to see him again. But a year has passed now, right? So he must be ready now? _Right?_

**"How's it?"** Mingyu asks as if trying to distract Joshua from the two who just arrived. Joshua continued chewing the honey garlic shrimp Mingyu just made while Somin was already asking Mingyu for a second one. Apparently, Somin likes Mingyu's dishes the best during her pregnancy.

**"It's good,"** says Joshua, which he really meant. Mingyu could not really go bad on his cooking thus his successful restaurant business. **"Is this is going to be the main dish at the reception? Is this already on your menu at the restaurant?"** Joshua asks trying to converse but before Mingyu could answer, the others were already walking towards them.

**"Oh my god hyung!"** Chan says power walking towards Joshua who was smiling fondly at the younger one. He gave Joshua a short tight hug before releasing him and looking at him unbelievably.

**"Wow, I did not think you were really coming when Jeonghan hyung told me he blackmailed you,"** Joshua then laughs as they have their signature handshake. Chan did the same to Mingyu and Somin then greeted her baby bump.

**"I know a lot of blackmails he could have used and there could be more that I wouldn't know and wouldn't want to know. So which one was it? Which one made Joshua fucking Hong come back?"** says the other one after greeting Mingyu and Somin first. He sat in the stool opposite Joshua's with glaring eyes.

**"Jihoon,"** Joshua says and initiated the handshake which he was glad the younger reciprocated.

They really were not on bad terms because if anyone knows and understands how Joshua felt at that time, it should be Jihoon. Because they were quite in the same situation of having loved someone and watch them love somebody else. _Tragic._ It was that just Jihoon was also one of the most shocked when Joshua suddenly left. He was also one of those Joshua purposely avoided during his stay in the US.

**"Welcome back hyung,"** Jihoon says and with a glint of playfulness continued, **"If you're looking for** ** _him,_ ** **he's not with us. But he would come later."** Joshua just rolled his eyes before they also settled in the kitchen and catch up while having Mingyu's dish.

**"So you'll be staying there for good?"** Chan asks as he was sitting across Joshua while also pouring a drink on his cup. Joshua sighs as he is still yet to decide on that matter. He really thought that the US would be just a getaway for him after the split but things are really doing good for his career there and he might consider living there again.

**"Maybe, Chan. But I still don't know,"** he answers truthfully which earned nods from the others.

**"The offer at the company still stands,"** Somin says talking about her and Jiwoo's already stable fashion company, **"We just don't want employees who would go AWOL you know."** she jokes managing to make the others laugh and somehow ease the tension.

**"Thanks,"** Joshua says and Somin replied, **"Okay I'll tell the boss. And I'm out of here. It's getting louder and I need my wife."** the three others smiled and waved her goodbye.

Mingyu took her place beside Joshua and also began pouring whiskey on his glass again.

**"But do you like it there already?"** Mingyu asks Joshua, **"I mean, I thought you just wanted time alone and be gone for a while. I really did not think of you considering settling there."**

Joshua sighs because just like Mingyu, he really did not think of him settling in the US again. Not after he fought with all of his being to be here with his friends and well, the love of his life then. But things change. They split and there was no longer something, _someone,_ that makes him want to stay. He loves his friends like a family and boy did he really miss them while he was alone in the US, but he also needed to decide on his own.

**"There are still lots of ways to stay connected you guys,"** he says sipping on the drink Chan offered him earlier, **"I'd stay in touch."**

**"I thought you were still unsure?"** Jihoon asks.

" **Well it's a possibility,"** Chan notes which Joshua nodded to.

" **Yes, but as I said, I'm still really debating on what to do.** "

The three of them nodded at that and falling quiet for a while. Joshua knows that his friends understand where he is coming from and is thankful for that.

" **Just know that whatever you decide, I'll support you hyung,** " Jihoon said and reached out from beside Chan to gave Joshua a reassuring tap on his arms.

Joshua smiles before saying, " **Thanks as always Jihoon,** " and the younger just put up his glass for the four of them to make a toast.

" **To life,** " Jihoon says which the three of them echoed, " **To life!** " toasting before drinking bottoms up.

\---

It was after dinner did most of the guests went home. 

It was mainly their group of friends who were left but there were still others missing.

Jihoon also left a while ago saying he needed to fetch someone. Joshua did not think much about it then.

" **He's scared of meeting you again,** " Wonwoo whispers to Joshua when they were alone sitting at their table out in the pool garden.

Joshua turns to him with a confused look.

" **Soonyoung,** " 

" **What? Omg, why?** " Joshua asks but beneath the confusion lies an unspoken understanding of the situation.

" **You know why,** " Wonwoo says downing his beer.

" **He still thinks he's the reason we broke up?** " Wonwoo just nods and Joshua sighs.

" **He's not the reason Wonwoo, you know that."**

" **I know and I kept telling him, _we_ kept telling him that. But he was so guilty about it that he and Seokmin are also not in speaking terms right now.**"

" **What?!** " Joshua did not know. He did not ask nor did anyone even bother telling him the situation between the two. He always assumed that by the time he comes back, they're happy with each other then.

" **What are you so shocked about?** " Seungcheol says sitting on the other seat beside Joshua.

" **Soonyoung and Seokmin -** "

" **Oh yeah they are not on speaking terms since you left,** " Seungcheol says as a matter of fact. " **Seokmin reached out but Soonyoung declined because he felt so guilty and responsible for your split, which we have always said was not the case. And so Seokmin just gave him time and all.** "

" **And that happened since I left?** "

Wonwoo and Seungcheol nods.

" **Seokmin always tries to reach out to Soonyoung though. But Soonyoung's still guilty about you two**." Somin says sitting beside her brother and Jiwoo on the other.

Joshua was in shock. Why is he just learning this information?

" **You three should definitely talk,** " comments Wonwoo, " **I mean not the three of you at once cause that'd be hella awkward. But you should talk to each other. You and Soonyoung, you and Seokmin, and then the two of them. So they could finally be happy.** "

" **It must come from you,** " Seungcheol says, " **that he's not the reason for your breakup. Maybe that's the only thing he needs to re-assure him he did nothing wrong.** "

The three others just nod and Joshua was just left there dumbfounded. 

" **All this time I thought they'd be okay,** " he says truthfully. Even though it still hurts, he hoped that by the time he meets Seokmin again, he's finally happy with the one he truly loves.

Joshua thought leaving for LA was the best thing he could have done and everything will be okay after that but he was wrong.

How could not everything be okay after he left? How could the two of them not be together still when all this time Joshua thought they'd be because he knows, maybe more, than those two that they are the ones that truly love each other. So why?

" **Well, things got quite messy after you left,** " Wonwoo says.

" **And many things happened and did not happen here while you were in the US,** " Jiwoo added.

Joshua still in shock with all this information but he knows what he needed to do.

Jeonghan and Joshua are on the patio while the others are playing board games inside. The only ones left are their closest circle of friends and they are just doing anything they can while still waiting for the others who said they would be arriving.

Joshua feels sorry to his best friend for getting his time out of supposed to be hanging out and having fun with their friends but Jeonghan insisted that Joshua ask him anything and everything he wants to know of what happened when he was in the US.

He feels sorry for everything that Jeonghan had to keep from him because he thinks he did not need that information at the time and leave him alone until he's ready to face them again.

Joshua thought that his leaving will be the best for everyone and that things will eventually fall in place but he was wrong. He was wrong because things don't just fall into place and puzzle pieces do not just fit alone. It needs work and a lot of effort, patience, sacrifice, and pain.

It was nice and cold at the patio with the wide-area earlier filled with cars now a little empty with only their group of friends' cars. They are still waiting for Jihoon to come back and for the others too to arrive.

" **He misses you, you know,** " Jeonghan says which caught Joshua out of his daze. He still could not believe everything Jeonghan has told him. He just realized how cowardly was he leaving just like that and running away from his problems and his heartbreak, " **Soonyoung misses you so much, Shua.** "

Joshua nods because he knows how big of a heart Soonyoung has. Jihoon already told him this earlier and how much Soonyoung cares for Joshua while he was away. How he also wanted to personally go to him there and apologize but is scared that he does not want to and that he'd hurt him more.

" **I miss Soonyoung too,** " Joshua says and it's true.

He misses his bright and playful dongsaeng so much but the pain he felt at that time was overwhelming he did not feel anything other than that. " **And I'm not mad at him and you know that,** " he says and Jeonghan nods.

" **We always tell him that, that you're not mad at him and you don't blame him for what happened to you and Seokmin,** " Jeonghan says, " **But I think you must be the one to tell him that for him to believe it.** "

" **That's what Cheol said,** "

" **We're soulmates like that,** " Jeonghan shrugs and Joshua rolled his eyes.

Another minute passed and a car arrived in their driveway. It was Jihoon's. 

Joshua looked at Jeonghan who just gave him a reassuring smile while Jihoon parks his car near the gate farthest away from the house's entrance. 

They caught Soonyoung looking nervous before he got out of the car from the passenger's seat after Jihoon got out.

The two of them did not expect another figure to come out of the said car -Seokmin. Seokmin got out of the car from the backseat and Joshua just somehow forgot to breathe again.

_He's still so dashing._ Joshua thought to himself.

Seokmin with his hair styled up like that and wearing his polo with sleeves up and tie with his coat on his left arm is a sight to behold. He probably just had an awful meeting with one or two of his clients at the law firm today. 

Joshua remembers how Seokmin almost always overtimes at work and he had to drive to his office and bring them food and have dinner there. He does not mind because he likes Seokmin being passionate about his work and it's one of the many things Joshua could list on the reasons why he loves Seokmin.

He hears Jeonghan giggle a bit beside him as they both see how Soonyoung was trying to cling to Jihoon in an attempt to maybe hide behind the shorter one.

" **Is he really that scared?** " Joshua asks looking at Jeonghan while the other just returned a sad smile.

Regardless of Soonyoung's silly action, he was still admirable in doing so. Still so cute as Joshua thinks and smiles. He tries to smile with the three walking towards them.

_"Ah, how could Seokmin not fall in love with you?"_ The question inside Joshua's head as he sees how fond Seokmin is looking at Soonyoung from behind. It's a lovely sight really. But as lovely as it is, it also crushes Joshua's heart and making him feel the tightness in his chest and the lump in his throat. 

Soonyoung immediately went to Jeonghan and hugged him tightly.

" **You are late for dinner,** " Jeonghan says patting the back of the younger ones.

" **I'm going inside,** " Jihoon says not wanting to waste any other second because he is starving as he says. But Soonyoung got a grab on his wrist.

" **What?** " 

" **Don't leave -** "

" **Soonyoung, Joshua hyung is right there. Go and talk to him already geez. He's not mad at you.** "

Joshua just watches the happenings and shocked at most at how Jihoon is just putting out the situation. 

He watches as Seokmin and Soonyoung are near each other but the tension and awkwardness between the two are evident and it crushes his heart even more.

Before going back to Korea, Joshua already readied himself on what he was about to come back to. He assumes Seokmin and Soonyoung would be a happy couple by the time he returns and he just has to deal with it. 

But this right now, seeing how both of them are so close yet so distant to each other, pains him even more. He thought that seeing them happy together would hurt but seeing them right now, distance and all, it breaks his heart even more.

" **Okay grumpy man, you are hungry so let's go inside,** " Jeonghan says to Jihoon after giving Seokmin a hug all the while Soonyoung is still not letting go of Jihoon's wrist.

“ **Let me go or you are not having dinner at all,** ” Jihoon says to Soonyoung making the other let go of his wrist. 

Jeonghan looks at Joshua with that reassuring smile again before he and Jihoon leave for inside.

There was still a distance between him and where Soonyoung and Seokmin are still standing. It took all of Joshua’s will to stay standing as his knees go weak, heart-crushing, and his head spinning with how Seokmin is towards Soonyoung.

Soonyoung was still standing looking at Jihoon and Jeonghan walking inside while Seokmin inches closer to him and Soonyoung facing him.

“ **At least talk to Joshua hyung,** ” he hears Seokmin say, “ **I need to talk to him too, and then maybe the two of us could.** ” Joshua shudders at the thought of talking to Seokmin again. But he thinks it’s the right thing to do.

Joshua was ready to face Seokmin again after a year. He was ready to see him happy with Soonyoung. He was ready for that and not this.

He sees Soonyoung sigh and Seokmin gives him a squeeze on the arm. The one Joshua is all too familiar with.

Seokmin would always give him that whenever he’s stressed from work and it would do the trick. It would hold Joshua on the ground and take away some of the burdens he might be stressing over his work. 

“ **Hyung,** ” he hears Seokmin call him but is unable to do anything other than stare at him, “ **Please take care of him,** ” Joshua purses his lips in an attempt to hold himself and pull it together.

He then manages to nod before letting out a soft, “ **Of course I will,** ” before Seokmin smiled at him and walked towards the house.

Joshua watched as Seokmin’s figure disappeared to the huge mansion and it was him and Soonyoung left in the cold night sky at the patio. 

How he did not break down then and there, he did not know. 

Seokmin called him _hyung_ and asked him to take care of Soonyoung before smiling brightly at him. 

That fucking smile. The one that leaves the sun, the moon and the stars and all things shining useless as Seokmin becomes the brightest light of all. 

It was like Seokmin is the cause and the cure of his pain. He is. He really is.

Joshua then cleared his throat to get Soonyoung’s attention who was still looking and lingering on the opened doors towards the mansion.

Soonyoung turned to Joshua with watery eyes and Joshua just smiled at him and opened his arms.

“ **Come here, you,** ” he says with arms wide open ready to welcome Soonyoung, his dear dongsaeng, and assure him that what happened is not his fault.

He hears and sees Soonyoung sniffle as a tear falls down the younger’s eye.

“ **Soonyoungie, come here now,** ” he says again and before he knows it, Soonyoung was hugging him ever so tightly and crying in his arms.

He hugs the younger and soothes his back while he cries and mumbles “ **I’m sorry hyung,** ” multiple times.

“ **Soonyoungie, you did not do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologise for,** ” he says as he also tries his best not to cry. His heart is in pain by how Soonyoung is crying in his arms right now.

Soonyoung pulls out from the embrace and wipes his face before looking at Joshua.

“ **But hyung, you’re hurting,** ” Soonyoung says in between sniffles, “ **I hurt you and you’re --** ”

“ **Soonyoung, you’re not the reason why I’m hurting okay?** ” he says guiding him to sit and face each other.

“ **Look at me,** ” he says and Soonyoung faces him wiping his tears, “ **Yes, it hurts Soonyoung. It hurts so much that I had to let Seokmin go but it’s not your fault okay? It’s not your fault that he loves you more than he loves me.** ” Although Joshua really wanted it to be Soonyoung’s fault a little bit, or anyone at least, it really isn’t. 

“ **I’m still sorry hyung,** ” Soonyoung says but his words now are more stable and his cry is more subtle than earlier, “ **I don’t know what I can do to not hurt you anymore. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.** ”

“ **I’m just going to be fine Soonyoung,** ” he says but he doubts that for a second. But then he realizes he needs to be fine. And maybe he is going to be fine one day. But not today or tomorrow. Not soon but he will be, he likes to think.

He clasps Soonyoung’s hands in between his and squeezes it reassuringly. Just as how Seokmin does with him before when he’s having a breakdown from all the work-related stress he was having. It always worked on him and hoped that it would work on Soonyoung too even though he is not Seokmin. He tries to pour the love he got from Seokmin to Soonyoung. Although he knows that Soonyoung would probably experience this too and more. More than he had ever experienced with Seokmin. He thinks Soonyoung is going to experience way more with Seokmin as he knows Seokmin loves Soonyoung more than he loved him before. 

“ **You love him right?** ” he asks and Soonyoung nods almost automatically.

“ **More than anything,** ” 

_“I do too, that’s why I let him go to be with you because I know he’s going to be happier with you”_ is what Joshua really wanted to say but he doesn’t. More like he does not have the energy to do so.

“ **Then be happy with him,** ” he finally says after three deep breaths. A technique Seokmin also taught him before when his mind seems to be so loud that he could not think straight. “ **Be happy with him Soonyoung and you would not have anything to apologize for. Not to me and not to anyone else.** ”

Soonyoung hugs him once again and all the sorry’s earlier was replaced by overflowing “Thank you hyung’s” and Joshua feels at ease. Still in pain, crushed, hurt and broken but a little better now.

Joshua missed Soonyoung so much and he would not have had the heart to not tell Soonyoung that he was not at fault for their breakup. He could never be mad at Soonyoung for having Seokmin’s heart. Never.

“ **So we're okay now, hmm?”** he says while they separate from the hug.

“ **Of course hyung. I missed you so much,** ” Soonyoung says laughing now and they both smiled at each other.  
  


“ **Shall we then?** ” Joshua says with his hands raised up to Soonyoung in the form of their handshake. Soonyoung smiled ever so brightly that his swollen eyes disappeared.

They then got into their handshake and it warmed his heart that he could do this again with one of his dongsaeng.

Joshua initiated another hug and when they pulled apart, they just laughed and talked about how ridiculous they might be looking right now but also exchanged many thanks to each other.

“ **Please don’t ever think that I’d be mad at you for anything,** ” Joshua says and Soonyoung nods enthusiastically.

They were to head back inside as Soonyoung really is now hungry after all the crying when another car has entered the property.

“ **Oh, that’s Jun’s!** ” Soonyoung says before running towards the car even though Jun is still parking beside’s Jihoon’s car.

Joshua followed suit and welcomed the three newcomers, Jun, Minghao and Seungkwan.

“ **Oh my gosh you look like shit hyung!** ” Minghao says towards Soonyoung before giving him the handshake.

“ **And you hyung!** ” he says going towards Joshua and slaps his shoulder like what Somin did to him earlier.

“ **Now you are here and then what you’re going to be gone again after?!** ” Minghao shouts and Jun went to his side to calm him down.

“ **Now, baby calm down okay,** ” Jun says and Joshua was expecting the calm but then Jun was the one questioning him now. “ **Let hyung explain why the hell did he just vanish after his birthday party without anyone knowing and without telling anybody, not even Jeonghan hyung or Seungcheol hyung where he is going and prompting a major search party that could have spread all throughout Korea if Seungcheol hyung had not stopped Jeonghan hyung from doing so,** ” Jun says in a single breath.

They all then laughed at that, although Joshua feels sorry too. He is more relieved that he has his friends now.

“ **You kinda really overdid at the last part you know,** ” Minghao says to Jun but the older shrugs.

“ **Welcome back you motherfucker,** ” Jun says, hugging Joshua then giving him the handshake. Minghao followed suit.

“ **I guess you looking like that,** ” Seungkwan says directed to Soonyoung, “ **And you hyung looking like that, still, gorgeous what the hell, that you two talked already?** ” he says with an intimidating perked eyebrow.

**“Of course,** ” Joshua says, “ **Communication is the key remember?** ” he teases Seungkwan as an inside joke between their group of friends.

“ **Yeah communication is the key,** ” Soonyoung says standing beside Joshua, “ **Where is Hansol anyways?** ” he adds, earning him a smack on the stomach from Seungkwan.

The five of them went inside all chattering about this and that which makes Joshua feel at ease for the meantime at least. He feels warm having his friends with him again. The chatter, the banter and the loud noises while they are playing and the others at the dining table eating and drinking. Joshua treasures this moment with his friends again because he does not know when this would happen again.

After all of them have exchanged their handshakes, the newcomers have made their way to the dining to eat what was left of the catering and what Mingyu is currently cooking for Somin while the others have made their way into the living room with Wonwoo, Jiwoo, Chan and Jeonghan playing Jenga.

Joshua sits on the couch and watches them while sipping on his wine and just really treasures the moment. He missed this. His time in the US was just work, home a little partying but nothing like this. Nothing like his friends' banters and antics. This is home.

“ **You okay there?** ” he hears Seungcheol say as the other sits on the other couch beside him, “ **Your room is all set. Jeonghan had all the helpers arrange it a week ago.** ”

Joshua nods and downs his wine again.

“ **Yah why are you cheating!** ” Jeonghan shouts at Wonwoo who just pulled another brick and brought it to the top of the Jenga tower.

“ **It’s Jenga hyung, how can I cheat?** ” Wonwoo asks after placing the piece safely on top.

“ **It’s okay hyung I got this,** ” Chan says, rolling up his sleeves and tilting his head as a warm-up. Joshua and Seungcheol then chime in as Jiwoo and Wonwoo teases him and succeeds as the tower falls before he could pull out a piece.

“ **Yah!** ” Jeonghan smacks the hell out of Chan with a pillow while the younger one was saying sorry.

Joshua sees how Seungcheol laughs while looking lovingly at how Jeonghan beats Chan with that cushion pillow.

“ **So~ in love,** ” he remarks towards Seungcheol and the other just smirked.

“ **How could I not,** ” Seungcheol says, “ **would you look at him?** ”

And Joshua did but all he can see is his best friend still beating their youngest with that pillow. 

“ **Yeah, I see. But not like how you’re seeing him,** ”

“ **Of course not,** ”

They continue watching as they continue to play Jenga and Jihoon, Seungkwan and Minghao join.

“ **You two going to talk or what?** ” Jihoon says sitting beside Seungcheol.

Joshua narrows his eyes towards the younger.

“ **How could you just blurt it out like the situation is not serious and oh-so dramatic?** ” he questions while the other just shrugs and leans his body more on the couch.

“ **For goodness sake just talk it out already,** ” Jihoon says, “ **You’ve been gone for a year and the situation has been dragging ever since you know. You can’t just run away with it anymore.** ”

“ **Jihoon,** ” Seungcheol warns but Joshua nods.

“ **No he’s right. It’s my fault that this has stretched this long. I ran away and thought that everything would be just fine and perfectly fit together,** ” Joshua admits.

“ **Have you not eaten enough yet?** ” they hear Jeonghan question Jihoon, “ **Stop harassing Joshua already.** ” the younger just puts his cap over his face and slouches his body even more on the couch.

Joshua could just imagine how Jihoon really is feeling right now. They have shared the absolute chaos and tragedy of having to love someone who loves somebody else who they could not just be mad at.

He sighs and tells them he will just be at the pool garden to take in fresh air.

The garden is now clear without the tables set out there earlier for the guests and the formal dinner.

It was just the pool, the night sky and the fresh air that is with Joshua. He removes his shoes and sits beside the pool and dips his feet to relax.

Closing his eyes, he tries to feel all the sensation there is.

The cold air wrapping his body and the cold water hugging his feet, the banters he could still hear but at a distance and the grassy smell of the garden with some scents of flowers here and there.

It’s all calming and Joshua really wants to rest and sleep now after hours of flight but he knows the night is still long. He knows there is still something he needs to do before the night ends. It could probably wait for tomorrow but he does not really want to stretch this for much longer. As Jihoon earlier said, it has already been a year since he ran from this and he doesn’t wanna be a coward anymore.

Joshua sways his feet lightly in the water with eyes still closed and savoring the feeling of the cold fresh air and the grassy ---

_It’s him._ He thinks.

The grassy smell of the area now replaced with one that is all too familiar to Joshua. 

It registers automatically, that scent - that strong yet sweet scent he needed time getting used to. The scent he longs for when he’s alone at night waiting for _him_ to come home from the office. The scent he missed and longed for the past year and will probably still do for a while.

“ **Hyung,** ” he hears him call, “ **Can I sit beside you?** ”

A soft hum is what Joshua manages to answer afraid of whatever might come out of his mouth.

He feels the other sit beside him but does not hear another set of feet dip in the pool. He inhales deeply and savors the scent he has been missing for the longest time now.

Neither of them speaks for a while. Joshua inhales the smell as if trying to store its memories with him. All the times he has told Seokmin to tone down with that fragrance because it gets too strong once in a while.

He hears a glass put down on the side of the pool and a shaky breath follows.

“ **I’ve kind of talked to Soonyoung earlier already,** ” Seokmin says carefully, “ **I wanted to talk to you first but Soonyoung needed that more so...** ”

Ah, right. Soonyoung.

“ **And you wanted to talk to me because?** ” Joshua says eyes now open and looking intently at Seokmin. _He’s still so beautiful and glowing like the bright sun that he is._ “ **Are you going to say sorry too? Because if you’re going to do that, get the hell out of here and just go to Soonyoung already.** ” He says as if trying to sound tough while his heart and soul continue to crash and fall down.

“ **I really am, hyung. For hurting you,** ” Seokmin says and there’s another round of silence before any of them spoke. 

Joshua’s unsure what to say. There are a million things he wants to say but he just can’t point what and there’s also a fear that he might not be able to talk at all and just cry a river in front of Seokmin and beg him to choose him and be back with him instead. But that would not be love anymore. 

“ **Well, I loved you,** ” Joshua says, “ **And I still do but you love somebody else so it hurts like hell really.** ” he scoffs and kicks the water on the pool. 

He turns towards Seokmin who has his head down which Joshua is thankful for. That way Seokmin would not see the tears threatening to fall down his eyes any moment now. He takes a deep breath to find his place again and at the same time to intoxicate himself from Seokmin’s fragrance. Savoring like it’s the last time he’ll ever feel this sensation again. Well, it really might be the last.

**“But, I’m just going to be fine Seokmin,”** Joshua says mimicking what he had said earlier to Soonyoung, “ **Your happiness is still my priority.** ”

Seokmin then lifts his head and there are already tears in his eyes.

“ **I’m sorry and thankful at the same to you Shua,** ” Seokmin says and Joshua had to close his fists and bite the insides of his mouth to stop him from begging Seokmin to love him again. To choose him again and to be with him again.

“ **I’m sorry I’m hurting you like this. I can’t do anything but be really honest with how I feel because not doing so would just hurt you more and I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.** ”

Tears now fall down from Seokmin’s eyes and Joshua automatically reaches to him and wipes those tears away.

“ **I know I keep saying sorry now and even before but I really am,** ” Seokmin says, “ **And thank you for everything, really. I won’t be the man I am today if not for you.** ”

It is taking every fiber of Joshua’s being not to break down. Why was he even fighting himself from breaking down when he has every right to do so?

“ **I’m grateful for everything we have shared together. And please don’t ever think I did not love you for all the years we have been together because I loved you with all my heart.** ” Seokmin says and sniffles beside him. 

Joshua does not question Seokmin’s love for him all those times they were together. Seokmin has been nothing but great during their relationship. It’s just that, he realized things and feelings he has had before during those times and Joshua had to see and feel it unfold.

“ **I know and I never doubted that,** ” Joshua says moving closer to Seokmin, “ **Can I hold your hand?** ” Seokmin then was the one to wrap his hands on Joshua’s and it's the warmth that has always made Joshua feel safe, secure and loved.

He watches as Seokmin squeezes his hands clasped together and slowly brings it towards his lips and gives it a warm and long kiss. Joshua shivers at that. He wants to feel it again as soon as Seokmin parted his lips to his hands. 

“ **I know our love for each other was genuine and don’t ever think I ever doubted any of the love you’ve shown me when we were together because I don’t okay?** ” Joshua says as he looks into Seokmin’s eyes. 

“ **But I’m going to be honest with you that this fucking hurts but what can I do?** ” he laughs at that and continues, “ **It hurts because I love you. I’m hurting because I love you so much and it would be so selfish of me to not let you go when I know you’re going to be happier with the one you truly love.** ”

Seokmin nods and says thank you again and kisses Joshua’s hands all the more.

“ **Can I hug you, hyung?** ” Seokmin asks and it takes a second before Joshua nods and lets the younger’s warmth envelop his body one last time.

" **I''m sorry,** " the other says, tightening the hug. Joshua then savors his scent for the last time because he knows once they part, he'll never get the chance to savor it again.

Shaking his head and biting his lips to prevent tears from falling down, Joshua managed to say a soft, " **It's okay,** " to the younger before he himself broke their embrace. And the other scent still lingers so inhaled deeply. One, to hopefully still have him, just his scent, near him and second, to find his voice to speak up and let out his gratitude towards the other.

" **I've spent a great five years with you Seokmin. Make that eight starting with our friendship,** " he says with a voice quite trembling. The other squeezed his hand to offer comfort which worked. It always did. " **Like I said, I know you loved me during those times and you know I did love you then, so much that’s why I’m hurting like this but don't be sorry anymore okay?** " another deep breath and he rubbed Seokmin's left cheeks for the last time.

" **I'm going to be okay,** " he reiterates to Seokmin and also to himself. He needed to remind himself that he is going to be okay. 

“ **And I’m also thankful that you kept your promise,** ” Joshua says reminiscing that time they had made that significant promise to each other.

He looks straight to Seokmin's eyes where he sees concern and love, still. But not the kind of love he wants. " **So go on and please be happy for the rest of your life with the one you truly love.** "

Seokmin then smiled at him. That smile, my god. The smile which made him swoon oh so many times before. That smile made him unbelievably fall in love with him over and over again. The smile which rendered the sunshine useless giving warmth to his body and soul. He momentarily closed his eyes to save that to his memory knowing this is the last time this would happen.

Seokmin hugged him again which Joshua both wished he would and didn't. It was short yet comforting. He smiled at the younger one again and watched him give his knuckles a quick peck before saying, " **Thank you. Thank you Joshua hyung.** " he nodded and smiled. 

Joshua then again offered to do their handshake just like what he did earlier with Soonyoung.

“ **Can we?** ” he says smiling towards Seokmin. The other gladly accepted his invitation and they did that ceremonial handshake their group of friends made way before they were all working and being in this emotional distress and relationships that turn their world upside down.

They finished and before it registered to Joshua, Seokmin had left another peck on his hands before he stood up from where he was seated beside him by the pool.

With that, Joshua’s sun is gone, leaving him in the dark. 

And finally, fucking finally, Joshua let his heartbreak. He let his tears fall down like the heavy rain on a stormy day and his mind spinning like a destructive cyclone destroying everything that got in its way.

It hurts and it feels suffocating to be left alone in darkness when he’s been used to sunshine and rainbows with Seokmin. But he had to let go. Because he knows that his sunshine is not for him to keep. Joshua knows that he was only privileged to freely love Seokmin and to be loved back by him. He knows it was just a matter of time before that sunshine fades on him. 

Because Joshua knows that the sunshine was meant for another person. He was just lucky enough to experience its warmth, lucky enough to experience how Seokmin loves. And like he said, he will always, always be grateful for that. Would always treasure those moments and that five wonderful years with Seokmin. 

It hurts to know that the sunshine was only meant to pass by him. It hurts that he will only be a person that got to love and be loved by Seokmin and not there to last a lifetime. But he has to let go. Just like how the sun needs to set for the moon to be free, and how the sun will rise again. 

It’s dark, it’s painful, it’s sickening, it’s suffocating, but he will be fine. He will be. Joshua wants to believe that someday, he’ll find light in his dark again.

He closes his eyes again and tries to savor all the sensation there is to feel.

The wind is now colder, his feet out of the pool now feel numb, Seokmin's scent still lingering on his skin and he feels suffocated even though he is in the massive pool garden area of his best friend’s mansion.

He stays there for a little longer of who knows how long until he decides he needs a good rest after the long day. 

Joshua wanted to still go upstairs and feel the comfortable bed the guest room had to offer but his feet are still numb and his whole body feels weak and he just does not have any more energy to move. 

So he plops down on the couch and closes his eyes. The last thing he sees is Seungkwan on the floor holding a piece of a Jenga and all the littered snacks they had earlier devoured.

Joshua sleeps in order to forget the pain for a while, but even in his dreams, there still is Seokmin.

It’s not a dream but a long-gone memory per se of when they were still in the early stages of their relationship.

\---

“ **I love you,** ” Seokmin says out of nowhere while he and Joshua were washing the dishes one day.

“ **That’s sudden but I love you too,** ” Joshua boops Seokmin’s nose which makes the other laugh and somewhat struggles getting the bubble off his nose.

“ **But I really do. I want you to know that and I want to say it out loud,** ” Seokmin continues saying as he also scrubs more of the plates they have eaten. There were huge piles of dishes at their new house after their group of friends hand ransacked their home somewhat uninvited just because they wanted to hang out.

“ **So~ sweet,** ” Joshua says and pecks Seokmin’s lips. He just wanted it to be a peck but Seokmin managed to sling an arm on his waist and deepens the kiss all while Joshua was still holding a plate.

“ **Yah! I could have broken this plate you monster kisser!** ” Seokmin just laughs while Joshua carefully places the plate back on the sink and slaps Seokmin’s arms.

“ **Aye, you could hold that much plate when we kiss alright, like how you could hold my---** ”

“ **Yah!** ” Joshua slaps him harder than before but Seokmin just laughs harder.

“ **Okay, okay, I’m sorry no more.** ” Seokmin says, then grabbing Joshua by his waist again.

“ **But I love you okay? Remember that,** ” Seokmin says, then peppers Joshua’s face with light kisses.

“ **Until when?** ” Joshua asks which confused Seokmin.

“ **What do you mean until when?** ”

“ **Until when will you love me Seokmin? Until are you gonna say you love me?** ”

Seokmin thinks and Joshua jokingly slaps his shoulders again.

“ **I mean I think I’d love you for this lifetime,** ” Seokmin answers while swaying both of them with what feels like a waltz.

“ **Hmm,** ” Joshua hums, “ **Promise me, you’ll only say you love me when you mean it okay?** ” Seokmin nods.

“ **And I know the future is still unknown but also know that I love okay? I love you and that’s what I’m feeling right now.** ”

“ **I know, I know,** ” Seokmin says.

“ **But if the time comes you realize you don’t love me anymore---** ”

“ **Aye come on,”**

“ **No, Seokmin listen to me okay,** ” Joshua says putting his hand on Seokmin’s chest feeling his heartbeat. “ **If and only if that time comes, promise me okay, promise me you’ll be honest with me, hm?** ”

Seokmin nods again.

“ **But I doubt that,** ” he says confidently, “ **You’re the love of my life Joshua hyung, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you~** ” he says kissing every bit of Joshua’s face he could then and Joshua just smiles under Seokmin’s warmth.

“ **It’s a promise though?** ” Joshua says raising up his pinky finger but Seokmin does not accept it.

“ **This is the right way to seal a promise hyung,”** he says then kisses Joshua’s lips slowly and carefully

“ **Sneaky,** ” Joshua says and they both smile as their foreheads are rested on each other.

“ **We should probably get back to washing or we are not going to finish this today,** ”

“ **Okay, but after a minute, I like to savor this moment with you.** ”

\---

**Author's Note:**

> This was just supposed to be a two-part series of both angst but things progressed in my mind, hopefully in my work too. But yeah, this is going to be four parts.
> 
> Two parts angst and two parts fluff because ya know, balance.
> 
> Scream at me on the comments, or not I'm soft please TT
> 
> PS  
> Please believe me that Seoksoo and Soonhoon are my ult OTPs T_T


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